When All Else Fails, Just Pour Into Yourself

A guide on how self-love will save you when your life is falling apart.

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Photo credit: girlknewyork

“Just pour into yourself” is a mantra I often repeat to myself. This simple phrase has guided me through countless challenges over the past few years, and it’s why I’ve decided to share it with you. It’s a reminder that although we can’t control a lot of what happens to us, we can control how we choose to respond — by filling our cups and pouring into ourselves. And from there, things will slowly begin to fall into place again. To have a full life, you must first develop a strong relationship with yourself.

Life will always throw you curve balls. As Nas has famously rapped, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” Life is cruel, unpredictable, unfair, and yet, somehow still beautiful. We all go through things, it’s part of the human experience. And it sucks. But I’ve discovered that sometimes in those situations, finding the strength to pour into myself helps heal any wound. It’s almost like this terrible thing happens, right? But then maybe it had to happen so that I could become this better version of myself … A blessing in disguise. At least that’s what I tell myself, and that’s why the phrase comforts me so much. Because after the storm passes, I can look back and still feel gratitude instead of letting the negative experience make me bitter or resentful. It’s healing. And it takes a strong individual to turn something bad into something positive.

Whether you face a job loss, heartbreak, rejection, the loss of a loved one, depression, or any other tough experience, when you “just pour into yourself,” you regain a sense of control. That’s what makes it so special. Reminding yourself that you have authority when your life is not going the way you want is necessary. For instance, I’m at a point in my life where I’m a little lost. I’m not sure what the next step is. I get anxious about my future. Will I ever be financially stable? Will I find the love I desire and long for? Will I have children someday? Will I achieve the life I want? Those are some of the questions I’ve begun asking myself recently, and I know I’m not the only one. And the reality is, who knows what’s going to happen? But it doesn’t really matter because that’s the future and that’s beyond my control. All I can do right now is just pour into myself and try to become the best me I can be. And because of that, I believe I will be okay. And so will you, if you just pour into yourself.

Pouring into yourself is not only an act of self-love but also a gift to the world. As you grow into a better version of yourself, you’ll naturally cultivate greater self-respect and confidence. In turn, others will be drawn to you and pour into you. By putting in the work, you will raise your standards and begin to attract other like-minded individuals who align with your growth. But remember, it all starts with you.

Here are a variety of ways you can pour into yourself:

Work out and eat healthy. I love this because it’s a simple cause-and-effect situation. If you go to the gym and eat the way you should, you will see results. It’s just a matter of time and consistency. It’s a you vs. you scenario. Exercising and eating right teaches you discipline and benefits both your physical and mental health.

Reconnect with your inner child. I’m a firm believer that we must nurture the inner child that lives in all of us. We’re so quick to take care of others, but what about ourselves? Next time you’re feeling down, do something that your 12-year-old self would have loved — whether that’s an activity you once enjoyed, watching your favorite childhood movie, or listening to music from a special time in your life. Sometimes reliving the past can be bad but only if you dwell on it. However, revisiting a love for something from when you were younger can bring you so much joy and help you today.

Read and journal. I believe these two things can enrich your life and expand your mind. When you read, you learn from others. When you write, you learn from yourself.

Rest. Make sure you’re resting and getting a good amount of sleep. If you don’t set time aside to rest, your body will do it for you.

Reflect. This is crucial. Reflecting is essential to move forward. Reflecting takes effort, intentionality, and accountability. We must always reflect to become better people — for ourselves and our loved ones. This means asking yourself difficult but necessary questions and being honest. Some questions you can ask yourself depending on the situation are: “Did I mess up? Could I have handled this better? What can I do better next time? Should I apologize? What’s something I need to work on? How can I become a better person, partner, friend, daughter/son, parent, sibling, aunt/uncle, employee? How can I be better and kinder to myself?” etc.

Change. Change is a necessary part of life, especially if you want to grow. Without change, reflecting is pointless. No one is perfect, but I think life is about always wanting to strive to be the greatest version of yourself possible until we reach the end. It’s important to be open-minded enough to want to change and improve as a person or change a circumstance if it no longer serves you. Like Albert Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Commit yourself to a purpose. Whether it’s committing yourself to God, spirituality, or a strong belief, this can bring you faith and calming energy. From this standpoint, you can make good, rational decisions, worry less about the outcome, and trust that what’s meant to be will be.

Immerse yourself in art, literature, and music. These forms of expression can help you feel less alone, as they remind you that whatever you’re experiencing, someone else has captured it in a painting, words, or a song.

Learn to regulate your nervous system. You can begin by identifying your triggers and experiencing your emotions. It can be healthy to sit in discomfort.

Write down your goals and manifestations. Having something to look forward to gets you excited about the future. Once you accomplish those things, you’ll feel so proud of yourself.

Have passions or hobbies. We must do things we enjoy. You shouldn’t just be surviving, you should be living. If there’s something that makes you glad to be alive, do it.

Set boundaries. My therapist once told me that setting boundaries is a form of self-love. Setting boundaries will help you maintain better relationships with all the people in your life. Sometimes we do so much for others because we wish they would do the same for us. But if we kindly set boundaries, we can discern the right people. You should never give away too much of yourself anyway, as this can drain your cup. In the end, those who truly care for you will understand and show it. 

Surround yourself with good people. Be selective about the company you keep. Whether it’s friends, family, or a romantic partner, you should keep people around you who are adding to your life, not taking away from it.

Take care of your appearance. Whether this means dressing well, getting a manicure, a haircut, or something else, why not take pride in your looks? After all, when you look good, you feel good.

Be more positive. Energy is very powerful. When you think and speak positively, you will attract good things.

Do something fun — whatever that looks like to you. Life is too short, and this is the youngest you’ll ever be again.

Seek help if needed. We all need a little help sometimes, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Whether that means asking a loved one for help or seeking professional help by going to therapy, it’s all meant to benefit you. Never feel ashamed to ask for help, as it shows you’re self-aware. It’s also a sign of strength.

Take charge of your vices. Harmful habits like smoking, drinking, and drug use are among the most common yet damaging behaviors, often standing in the way of a fulfilling, healthy, and present life. Regardless if it’s these or other vices, such as lust, greed, envy, gluttony, pride, etc., prioritizing your well-being and enforcing better social behaviors and habits will significantly enhance your quality of life in the long run.

Be proactive and reliable. When you commit to something, follow through. Keeping your word and honoring your promises reflects integrity and builds trust and respect. If you cannot fulfill a commitment, communicate openly and honestly, as this demonstrates maturity and consideration for others.

Go outside. Getting sunlight and fresh air will do wonders for you.

Limit your time on social media. Consider doing a digital detox every once in a while and using that time to be productive or to connect with people in real life. Remembering life exists outside your phone will instantly make you feel better.

Do something nice for someone. Essentially, this kills two birds with one stone. By helping someone else who may be in need, you’re also helping yourself and unknowingly giving yourself great purpose.

Speak to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend. You wouldn’t make mean comments to your best friend, right? Instead, you’d always treat them with love and compassion. Think about that the next time you speak negatively to yourself.

Challenge yourself. Overcoming challenges helps build confidence, which will make you believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself, you feel like you can conquer anything. This gives you the courage to take risks, possibly resulting in reaching your full potential and living your best life.

So, reader, next time you’re going through a rough time, just remember this too shall pass. But in the meantime, just pour into yourself.

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