All the Important Life Lessons I Learned Because of Therapy
And why I always recommend it to others.
For most of my life, I had weird feelings about therapy. I felt in denial that I needed it. I was a very anxious, insecure kid growing up, and I’m pretty sure I could’ve benefitted from it then, but I always put it off.
Eventually, that all caught up to me. Weeks before my 29th birthday last year, I had probably one of the biggest breakdowns triggered by an altercation with a relative, that was triggered by unhealed childhood trauma. Just for context, I was always known for being the “mature, smart kid” in the family. That’s where my obsession with being “perfect” and scared to make mistakes began. All of those factors played into this breakdown.
Eventually, after hitting rock bottom, I was hit with clarity. I felt so low, and I finally accepted that I needed help. And that I wasn’t weak for admitting or seeking it. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Now that I’m on the other side, I realize that getting help takes strength and in many ways, therapy changed my life for the better, and I’m so grateful for it.
After this breakdown, I immediately started searching for a therapist on Zocdoc. From the get, I knew I wanted my therapist to be A. Hispanic and B. a woman. I wanted someone who would understand the dynamic of being a woman who grew up in a Hispanic and Latino household because the culture had a lot to do with my identity struggles and overall childhood trauma.
The first session was a lot. I did not want to waste time. I just wanted to get better, so I opened up right away. I’ve always considered myself an expressive and vocal individual, but this first session made me realize that I had been internalizing so much for years. I cried so fucking hard and vented so much that my whole face was swollen and in pain after the hour was over. But for the first time in my life, I felt so free.
Now, I don’t want you to think I had a horrible childhood or that something really fucking terrible happened in my life. I’ve had a pretty decent life. But shit happens to all of us, and those experiences affect each of us differently.
While considering therapy, I kept thinking of my future self. I reached a point last year where I realized I wanted to work towards being the best version of myself so that I wouldn’t pass on the generational curses and trauma that most of our parents and grandparents possess and unfortunately passed down to us. I wanted to be the first in my family to heal so that I could help myself, help them, and help the ones who will someday come. And if you identify as Latino, Hispanic, or a POC (person of color), you probably know exactly about the challenges and pressures I’m talking about.
I was in therapy from April 2023 to October 2023, and though it was challenging, it was great. My therapist, whose actual title is psychotherapist, didn’t give me a lot of advice unless I asked for it, which was helpful because I hate receiving unsolicited advice. All therapists have different styles and mine happened to compliment my personality and needs well. She’d ask me a lot of questions, which then made me learn a lot about myself, like why I’m such a perfectionist, how my childhood and upbringing affect my romantic relationships, how my family life has shaped me, etc. It was cool figuring those things out because once you get to the root of the problem, you can now move on to the next step — finding a solution.
My favorite thing about my therapist was that through this journey with her, she created a safe space for me where I never felt judged. And while venting and discussing my problems, I realized I began trusting myself more and gaining more self-confidence. This led to setting boundaries with my loved ones. Oftentimes in society, women are seen as sacrificial beings who always put others first, and therapy taught me it’s OK to say no even when it’s with people you care about. As someone who had been a people pleaser most of my life, this was so amazing to learn how to do. Therapy taught me that putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s an act of love towards yourself, which will simultaneously help others around you. You can’t help others if you’re pouring from an empty cup.
After I went to therapy and saw what it was like, I felt so silly that I hadn’t tried it sooner. I used to have this idea that only people who had gone through crazy, traumatic experiences needed it. But nope, now I believe that everyone can benefit from it. Therapy gave me peace and the tools necessary to maintain life-long peace with myself and others.
Seeking help made me reflect a lot, which was beneficial in shaping who I am now and who I want to be in the future. Growing up, I was like Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. I was super smart, bright, wise beyond my years, and an ideal example of a well-behaved child and teenager. I remember being 12 years old and often giving my parents and other adults around me advice, just so you have an idea of the type of kid I was. If you’ve watched the show, you know that Rory goes through a major rough patch in her twenties. Mine wasn’t as intense or unhinged, thankfully.
“How can a person know everythin' at 18/But nothin' at 22?” — Taylor Swift, “Nothing New” (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault]
That process of healing made me realize that sometimes the overachieving, emotionally mature kid doesn’t get to act their age during their childhood. As a result, we reach adulthood, rebel, and then sometimes act like kids since we didn’t get to do it when we were younger. It sucks, but it happens. However, seeking therapy made me understand a lot, which helped me properly transition into this current chapter of my life.
I’ve recently learned that the more grace we give ourselves, the easier and better life becomes. We think that because we’re adults, we’re supposed to know it all. That we should know the answers or have a better grip on life. But the sooner we realize we’re all struggling, the happier and less alone we’ll feel. I think the purpose of living is to use our time on earth to learn, grow, and be kind to ourselves and each other despite our imperfections. This means that as long as we’re living, new problems will always arise. But it’s important to learn how to achieve peace despite the tough times and to cope in healthy ways, and therapy taught me that.
Because I had such a great experience with therapy, I began recommending it to people close to me. A few went, and they’ve also had positive, life-changing experiences. So, reader, if you’ve considered therapy, I hope this post sways you into getting the help you need.
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